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What Do Women Want?

by Janet Winterbourne in June 2013 - Relationships

OK, so this month things are somewhat ‘weighted’ in favour of what the ladies are looking for in a meaningful relationship, but guys, I promise you this is written in order to help you get what you want too!

For some men, women are a bit of a mystery (having said that men can also be a bit of a mystery to women too!) However, one thing is certain, that women love to be wooed, pursued, courted and they want men to try to win their affections. It is, in fact, a psychological strategy that both men and women play. The winners enjoy it and reap the rewards; the not so lucky end up wondering what went wrong!

To end up on top, men need to understand just what it is that women want. So, with a win-win situation in mind here are the main qualities that women hope and expect for in their men:


Just as men like their lady to look good women like their men to be well groomed too! Good manners and courtesy also ranks high on the list of desirable attributes that women would like to see in their man. A reasonable sense
of fashion seems to figure prominently as does an understanding of how to behave in public. Women state they generally don’t like to be around loud and bawdy men – women perceive this as lacking in sensitivity.

A Good Listener

OK this is a big one. We women love to be heard! OK guys, yes, I hear the quips from here already! But it’s true. A man that is a good listener is high on the list of wants that women desire – and, in fact, if you observe social situations, you will often see that the man that listens and hears the women surrounding him usually has a captive audience… Women like to have their point of view acknowledged. You don’t have to agree with us, but just to be heard can be a fundamental strongpoint in forming meaningful relationships.

Good In Bed

Every woman wants her man to be good in bed. They want to be aroused and fulfi lled, so equality in the bedroom is vital. Women don’t like to be pushed into sex, much preferring a gentle build up to be cuddled, kissed and held,
which may then ultimately lead to sex, but if she’s having the odd off day, don’t push it!


Honesty and sincerity rate very highly with women – it engenders a feeling of trust and stability. Women don’t like it when men withhold information from them. They want to feel equal partners, sharing highs, lows and everything in between. Often men will hold back on their problems, whether it is their work or their finances that are troubling
them, or just how they are feeling (men are also allowed to have difficult times too!). This isn’t good; we women have built in radar for problems!

You can almost guarantee that what the issue really is isn’t half as bad as we imagine it to be, due to the lack of information supplied by you. Women can feel more wanted and involved when their man takes them into their confidence and shares his concerns. It can strengthen a relationship and further create stability through a sense of sharing and problem solving together.

Stable Career

As previously alluded to, women like to feel a sense of stability. Generally women tell me they prefer a man who is organised, decisive and successful. However, this does not mean they should be looking for a ‘meal ticket’ – money, power and success alone are not enough to genuinely make for a happy relationship.

The Element Of Surprise

It’s great to be a wife and Mother and if you choose, to have your own career, but we also want to be treated as an individual and as a woman. This includes the element of surprise and thoughtfulness. This doesn’t have to
mean big ticket gifts. Something as simple as a surprise dinner, or tickets for a special show, or simply taking the kids off her hands for a Saturday morning so that she can relax, have her hair done, or meet with a friend for coffee, can chill her down and shows her that you see what she does do and that you appreciate her! Appreciation – it’s a big word!


Of all the women I meet in my counselling practice, I hear often that a man that can hold a conversation, has a sense of humour and is sociable is a huge aphrodisiac to women – a man that can chat to your friends intelligently
is an extremely attractive partner to a woman and can make a woman feel proud of her man. Men who are distant, dull, boring or more involved with their own interests are unlikely to enchant a woman.

So, there it is. It’s as simple as that! Well, add in a man that can cook and you have the ultimate winning formula! Good luck guys!

To book an appointment contact Janet on , email her at or visit janetwinterbourne.com

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